Yeah

So, I'm walking home

I'm just walking home all on my own

There's literally no one else awake except me

And the bloke selling hot dogs outside the station

And what a wild night it's been

Two blokes dressed up as bananas join the party

Saying that they've just taken a huge pay rise at their dream job

Great, so you work 35 hours a week

Pushing paper for someone who doesn't even know you exist?

Great

So you've got a promotion

And sit next to Vicky from accounts

Who you say is somewhat of a potential love interest

Well, either way she's at least a bit of eye candy apparently

And, what about you?

What keeps you busy?

Well, excuse me, my slippery-skinned friend

I must be going now

And just like that I was off

Just me, myself, and I again

No distractions, alone with my thoughts

And what a wild night it's been

Cocktails and disco biscuits

And the night bus can be a terrifying place

Look, just a short walk past the hardware store

And across the crossroads and then home

Finally

Take these jeans off, slip out of these shoes

And stare at the ceiling

And let some kind of repetitive salsa music drift me off to the land of nod

I sure hope I can sleep tonight, I'm awfully tired

In fact, fuck that, I'm tired as fuck

And avoiding these puddles that seem to have gathered since I left mine is a little bit of a dream

(Last night got far too crazy)

I slowly make my way down the road

(We ate some disco biscuits)

(You got sideways, fucked up)

Tarmac and white lines, tarmac and white lines

(I could not feel my fingers)

Thank God we got rid of those bananas, eh?

(Last night got far too crazy)

(We ate some disco biscuits)

Why, why

(You got sideways, fucked up)

(I could not feel my fingers)

Why is it that when you're ruined all of your interactions seem to have a mysterious undertone

Like, wait, did- did I just meet my cousin?

Or maybe a future lover?

Or- hey! You look just like that guy who works at my local Londis

Bartenders, eh? Fuck those guys, like yeah, I get it, I used to work at a bar, too but come on, I'm trying to have fun here and you're being a proper vibe vacuum

A vampire vacuuming up every last drop of my enthusiasm until I am nothing but a sorry little raisin

Bananas and raisins

I sure hope I have toast at home

Cheese on toast, salt and pepper, Lea and Perrins- wow

Game changer, you have just changed my life

Thank you so much for showing up and I genuinely appreciate the guidance

Hmm, my legs are aching a little now, but either way not far

Not far, c'mon Murray, not far at all

Keep on going

And each Uber that glides silently past me is like a lonely ghost

Of some pre-existent supercar that once roared and snarled at the traffic lights

Reduced to nothing but a quivering silent pseudo-suitable tin can

Ahh, finally I've made it

Where are my keys?

Okay, don't be silly, they're in your hand

Why're you making this long?

Just go through the door

Okay, waiting for the lift now

And brace yourself for when the lift's door opens

And then a huge full-length mirror

Me and all my drunken glory

Kinda wish I got a photo with those weird banana men now

(Last night got far too crazy)

(We ate some disco biscuits)

But it's okay, fourth floor here I come

(You got sideways, fucked up)

Ahh, flat 65, it's good to be back

(I could not feel my fingers)

Keys in the door, feeling good, feeling good, and home at last

And what a wild night it's been

Especially for a school night

Won't be doing that again in a hurry

(Last night got far too crazy)

(We ate some disco biscuits)

Okay, turning my phone off now

(You got sideways, fucked up)

And, um, you can keep the music playing by all means

(I could not feel my fingers)

Just perhaps turn it down a little, if that's cool?

Yeah, much better, thank you

Oh, a-and, just quickly about tomorrow, I was thinking about taking Ire and Holly out for a walk and then probably just chill

Read a book, or something

Yeah, haha, yeah, yeah, yeah

Alright, hey, it's been a pleasure

Yeah, thanks, speak tomorrow

Sweet dreams, and yeah

Blah, blah, blah

Alright, goodnight