[Verse 1]

I used to run for miles, I used to ride my bike

I used to wake up with a smile

And go to bed at night with a dream (Ah!)

But now I'm turning thirty (No!)

I used to be the young one, got used to meeting people

Who weren't used to meeting someone who was born in 1990

No way! (Yeah, I was born in 1990)

Now I'm turning thirty

God, God damn it!

[Chorus]

I'm (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning thirty)

Turning (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning thirty)

Thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning thirty)

I'm turning thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning thirty)

[Verse 2]

When he was twenty-seven, my granddad fought in Vietnam

When I was twenty-seven, I built a birdhouse with my mom

Oh, fuck, how am I thirty?

I used to make fun of the boomers; in retrospect, a bit too much

Now all these fucking zoomers are telling me that I'm out of touch?

Oh yeah? Well, your fucking phones are poisoning your minds. Okay? So when you develop a dissociative mental disorder in your late twenties, don't come crawling back to m-

[Chorus]

I'm (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning thirty)

Turning (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning thirty)

Thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning thirty)

I'm turning thirty (Turning thirty, turning thirty)

(Turning thirty, turning)

[Bridge]

And now my stupid friends are having stupid children

My stupid friends are having stupid children

My stupid friends are having stupid children

My stupid friends are having stupid children

And now my stupid friends are having stupid children

My stupid friends are having stupid children

My stupid friends are having stupid children

Stupid, fucking ugly, boring children

[Outro]

It's 2020, and I'm thirty, I'll do another ten

2030, I'll be forty and kill myself then