[MAX]

The time has come

To be a lover from the Argentine

To slick my hair down with Brilliantine

And gargle heavily with Listerine

Wow!

It's time for Max

To put his backers on their backs

And thrill them with amazing acts

Those aging nymphomaniacs

Ah-ah-ah

Ah-ah-ah!

They were helpless

They were hopeless

Then along came Bialy!

They were joyless

They were boyless

Then along came Bialy!

They're my angels

I'm their devil

And I keep those embers aglow

When I woos 'em

I can't lose 'em

'Cause I cast my spell 'n'

They start yellin'

Fire down below!

They were listing

They were sinking

Then along came Bialy!

They were desp'rate

They were drinking

Then along came Bialy!

So romantic

They were frantic

Then their prayers were heard up above!

Heaven sent them

Their Bialy!

I'm the celebration of love!

[Transition from Max's office to Little Old Lady Land.]

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]

We were helpless

We were hopeless

Then along came Bialy!

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME]

Life had passed us by

And love had stolen away

[LICK ME - BITE ME]

At the end of our rope

We'd given up hope

Of one last roll in the hay

[KISS ME - FEEL ME]

Discarded dolls

Abandoned wrecks

[ALL THREE]

Condemned to a life

Of sitting and knitting

When all we really wanted was... sex!

[MAX, spoken]

Ah, did you bring the checky, my little turtledove?

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]

Yes, but first, Bialy, can we please play one dirty

Little game?

[MAX, spoken]

Here in broad daylight?

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]

It'll just be a quickie

[MAX, spoken]

Okay, what, what?

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]

Let's play the Distracted Tourist and the Ever-Watchful

Orangutan

[MAX, spoken]

Oy, are you trying to kill me? Please, I'm exhausted

Let's play one game with absolutely no sex

[HOLD ME - TOUCH ME, spoken]

What?

[MAX, spoken]

How 'bout the Jewish Princess and Her Husband

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]

So romantic

We were frantic

Then our prayers were heard up above

Heaven sent us

Our Bialy!

He's the celebration of love!

[Instrumental]

[MAX,spoken]

Fire down below!

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]

We were listing

We were sinking

Then along came Bialy!

We were desp'rate

We were drinking

Then along came Bialy!

So romantic

We were frantic

Then our prayers were heard up above!

It's Bialy!

Hail, Bialy!

He's the culmination

The restoration

The consummation

The titillation

Ejaculation-

[MAX, spoken]

Oy....

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]

-He's the celebration of love

[MAX, spoken]

Bloom! Bloom!

[LEO, spoken]

What, Max, what?

[MAX, spoken]

I've done it! I've done it! Look, we got all the money. Now all we have to do it put on the biggest flop in history!

[LEO, spoken]

That's great!

[MAX & LEO]

We can do it, we can do it

We can make a million bucks!

[ULLA]

Bialystock and Bloom, Bialystock and Bloom!

The show's a go!

(fugue begins with characters joining in the following order)

[ROGER, CARMEN, TEAM]

He's raised the money, we're on our way

Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay

We have our backing, oh, what a day

Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay

Wonder of wonders, we have all our cash

Barring all blunders, we should have a smash!

We know that... we can do it!

Gay, gay, gay, gay...

Gay, gay, gay, gay...

Gay, gay, gay, gay

[LITTLE OLD LADIES]

Then along came Bialy!

We were desp'rate

We were drinking

Then along came Bialy!

Bialy was romantic

Our pulse became so frantic

It's Bialy!

Hail Bialy!

[MAX & LEO]

We can do it! We can do it!

We can do it

We can make a million bucks!

Ev'rything we've ever wanted

Is set to come our way

We know that... we can do it!

We can make it, we won't fake it

We were fated to be mated...

[ULLA]

Bialystock and Bloom...

Bialystock and Bloom...

Bialystock and Bloom!

And Bloom!

Bialystock and Bloom!

And Bloom!

Bialystock and Bloom...

[FRANZ]

Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles

Alles in der welt!

Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles

Alles in der welt!

(fugue stops)

[ULLA, spoken]

Bialystock and Bloom

[ULLA, FRANZ, ROGER, CARMEN, TEAM, spoken]

Bialystock and Bloom

[ALL EXCEPT OLD LADIES, spoken]

Bialystock and Bloom!

[ALL]

Ah ahh

Ah ah Ahh

Ah Ah Ah Ahh

Ah ahh

Ah ah Ahh

Ah Ahhhh

[LEO & MAX]

We can do it

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]

They can do it

[ALL]

Say goodbye to woe and gloom

[LEO & MAX]

We can do it

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]

Nothing to it

[ALL]

Can't you hear that bing-bang-boom!

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]

With their brilliance

Their resilience

Up together they will zoom!

[LEO & MAX, spoken]

We can't miss!

[ALL EXCEPT LEO & MAX]

They were fated to be mated

They're Bialystock and Bloom!

Ahhh!