The sample used on the beat is from a Chris Barber track.[Verse]

Hi, I’m Nigel Burke

You might know me as the guy that lurks

In the hospital pulling back the final curtains

As saving lives is my line of work

I’m overworked and I’m overpaid

Nobody else gets home as late

No time to poo, no time to wee

To go on a date, no time to sleep, see

But regardless of what they’re paying me

I’m the hardest in the A&E

A couple of whiskies, a couple of baileys

I’m ready for my shift, give me the blade, please

This is an emergency surgery, third degree burns

Leave the patient waiting in purgatory, operating with urgency

We can’t take an eternity, blood loss rate is discernibly

Worse than the state of my purse on my Lace Anniversary (Unlucky!)

That’s why I stay here so late just to earn a fee

That’s why the patient is late, toe-tagged and lay on a slate

In this infirmary, yeah, I may have made a mistake

There may be stains on my apron, but, baby, hey, I’m just sayin'

That when the table is shaking in the back of an ambulance

It’s a little difficult to keep on track what your hands are doing

Oh, golly, when you’re on a trolley

Trying to find the right tool's like Where’s Wally

If I was you I’d be crying for my mommy

I’d give you a tissue but I’ve not got one on me

Sorry, I’m a little unprepared

But luckily, you’re not in a position to be running scared

Caught you unaware, anesthetized

Now, you’re asleep, give me your teeth and eyes

What are you worried about? Who’s scary?

I’m just the new tooth fairy

I’m coming for your calcium

Like a loon let loose in the dairy

When I said I’m not a dentist, what I meant is

Of all my skills, it’s just a percentage

My qualifications might be invented

But I won’t get better without trying to attempt it

Dentally demented, I tend to need apprentices

Because it’s them that seem to comprehend more than me

I generally pretend it and so far, I’ve never been suspended

In theater, I’m territorial

Less surgical, more gladiatorial

If this gets any more gory

I’ll put it on YouTube as a tutorial

I’ve been awake on call for days

My eyes are red as when I went to Ultralase

Not a qualified eye surgeon, but I can’t help but help when your eye’s hurting

See, I’m a nice person, Chris Martin

I’ll try to fix you, quick, stick a heart in!

Enough blarting, we’ve hit an artery

Made a chest cavity big enough to park in

[Bridge]

Demographically setting a precedent

Increasing the speed that you’ll get an inheritance

I never get done for medical negligence

Not because I’m good but ‘cause I bury the evidence

Demographically setting a precedent

Increasing the speed that you’ll get an inheritance

I never get done for medical negligence

Not because I’m good but ‘cause I bury the evidence

[Outro]

Chop, chop

Your life in my hands