[LUCIFER]

Haha, looks like you could use some help

From the big boss of Hell himself

Check out daddy's glowing reviews on Yelp

Five stars! Flawless! Greater than great!

Oh, with the punch of a pentagram

I wap-bam-boom, alakazam

Usually, I charge a sacrificial lamb

But you get the family rate

[LUCIFER & CHARLIE]

Thanks, dad!

[LUCIFER]

Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef? (Woah-oh-oh)

Michelin-tasting menu, free à la carte

I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref

Champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just to start!

[ALASTOR]

Who's been here since day one?

Who's been faithful as a nun?

Who makes you chuckle with an old-timey pun?

Your executive producer

[CHARLIE, spoken]

That's true!

[ALASTOR]

I'm your guy, your day-to-day

Your chum, your steadfast hotelier

Remember when I fixed that clog today?

[NIFFTY, spoken]

I was stuck, thank you, sir!

[CHARLIE, spoken]

Oh, you!

[ALASTOR]

I'm truly honored that we've built such a bond

[CHARLIE, spoken]

Aww!

[ALASTOR]

You're like the child that I wish that I had

[LUCIFER, spoken]

Uh, what?

[ALASTOR]

I care for you, just like a daughter I spawned

[LUCIFER, spoken]

Hold on now!

[ALASTOR]

It's a little funny, you could almost call me dad

[Instrumental Break]

[ALASTOR]

They say when you're looking for assistance

It's smart to pick the path of least resistance

[LUCIFER]

Others say that in your needy hour

There's no substitute for pure angelic power!

Who just happens to also be your blood

[ALASTOR]

Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud

They say the family you choose is better

[LUCIFER, spoken]

What a bunch of losers

[ALASTOR]

Can you butt out of my song?

[LUCIFER, spoken]

Your song? I started this!

[ALASTOR, spoken]

I'm singing it, I'll finish it!

[LUCIFER, spoken]

Oh, you tacky piece of—

[MIMZY]

It's me, yes, it's me

I know you were all waiting for me

I'm here, what a gas

Took a while, but I'm present at last

It's me, it's me

Mimzy!

[LUCIFER, spoken]

Who?