Be Safe
by The Cribson Payola: 2002–2012"One of those fucking awful black days
When nothing is pleasing and everything that happens
Is an excuse for anger
An outlet for emotions stockpiled. An arsenal. An armour
These are the days when I hate the world
Hate the rich, hate the happy
Hate the complacent - the TV watchers
The beer drinkers, the satisfied ones
Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things
And then I hate myself for realizing that
There's no preventative, directive or safe approach to living
We each know our own fate
We know from our youth how to be treated
How we'll be received, how we shall end
These things don't change
You can change yr clothes
Change yr hairstyle, yr friends, cities, continents...
But sooner or later yr own self will always catch up
Always it waits in the wings
(Ideas swirl but don't stick
They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield)
One of those rainy day car rides, my head imploding
The atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull:
Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold
Walls of gray
Nothing good on the radio, not a thought in my head"
I know a place we can go
Where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead
"Let's take life and slow it down incredibly slow
Frame by frame
The two minutes that take ten years to live out
Yeah, let's do that
Telephone poles like praying mantis against the sky
Metal arms outstretched
So much land traveled, so little sense made of it
It doesn't mean a thing, all this land all laying out behind us
I'd like to take off into these woods and just get good and lost for a while
I'm disgusted with petty concerns
Parking tickets, breakfast specials
Does someone just have to carry this weight?
Abstract topography
Methane covenant
Linear gospel
Asheville sales lady
Stygian emissary
Torturous lice
Mad Elizabeth
Chemotherapy bullshit"
I know a place we can go
Where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead
"The light within me shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus
Like a dead man face down on a highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog pond
Too-full closets burst open in disarray
Soap bubbles in the sun
Hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list
Blowjob, Deaths head
Devils dancing, bleached white buildings
Memory movements, the movie unpeeling, unreeling
About to begin."
I know a place we can go
Where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead
"I've seen yr hallway, you are a dark hallway
I've hear yr stairs creak
I can fix my mind on yr 'yes' and yr 'no'
I'll film yr face today in the sparkling canals
All red yellow blue green brilliance
And silvered Dutch reflections
Racing thoughts - racing thoughts, all too real
Yr moving so fast now I can't hold yr image -
This image I have of yr face by the window
Me standing beside you, arm on yr shoulder
A catalog of images, flashing glimpses, then gone again
I'm tethered to this post you've sunk in me
In every clear afternoon now I'll think of you, up in the air
Twisting yr heel, yr knees up around me, my face in yr hair
You scream so well
Yr smile so loud, it still rings in my ears."
I know a place we can go
Where you'll fall in love so hard that
You'll wish you were dead
"Inefficient distant tide of longing
Cleaning my teeth
Stay the course
Hold the wheel
Steer on to freedom
Open all the boxes
Open ALL the boxes
OPEN ALL the boxes
OPEN ALL THE BOXES
Times Square, midday, newspaper building, news headlines going around
We watch as they go (and hope for some good ones!)
Those tree-shadows in the park here
All whispering, shiksing leaves, around 6PM
Shadows across the cobblestones
Girl in front of bathroom mirror
She slow and careful paints her face green, mask-like
Like Matisse, "Portrait with Green Stripe"
Long shot through apartment window
A monologue on top but no girl in shot
The light within me shines like a diamond mine
Like an unarmed walrus
Like a dead man face down on a highway
Like a snake eating its own tail
A steam turbine, frog pond
Too-full closets burst open in disarray
Soap bubbles in the sun
Hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list
Blowjob, Deaths head
Devils dancing, bleached white buildings
Memory movements
The movie unreeling, about to begin."