I wanted to dedicate a song to you

But all of my songs are about ex-girlfriends and puke

So I sat down to write you a love song

It was full of clichés

It wasn't impressing anyone

Even though I tried really hard

All I came up with was

"You are a opossum living in the trashcan of my heart

You're a opossum in my heart"

I'm sorry I left that towel on the floor

So sorry that I snore

Sorry I'm taking my band on tour

Sorry that I'm insecure

Sorry I'm awkward around your friends

Sorry I get jealous when you talk to other men

Sorry I drank all your wine again

Sorry I apologize so much

Yeah, I hope that I don't fuck this up

Yeah, I hope that I don't fuck this up

Yeah, I hope that I don't fuck this up

And she said

"Don't be so hard on yourself

You fucking idiot, I don't need anybody else

You stupid asshole, I'm for you

And you are for me

But you've gotta get over your insecurities!"

And that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me

So I tried to reciprocate with something romantic and sweet

When I got home I thought of the perfect thing to say

But of course in that moment, it didn't happen that way

I just held your hand and looked you in the eyes and I said

"You're pretty rad too, dude

You're pretty rad too, dude

You're pretty rad too, dude

You're pretty rad."