[Verse 1]

I must commend my dear friend the mosquito

For making my toilet bowl his humble home

He taught me in the face of hardship you can never sink too low

[Verse 2]

I would never jeopardize anything's survival

So long as that same thing stayed the hell away from mine

I've probably killed a thousand bugs plus countless more I stepped on accidentally

[Chorus]

And that makes me a hypocrite

But everything is relative

If we always sweat the small stuff we will dry up

I'm just another human being

Oblivious to everything

Another evolutionary miracle

[Verse 3]

And I would like that there's at least one thing redeemable

In each and every one of our seven billion souls

I've logged 20 years and counting in the field of people watching

Regrettably I haven't quite found out the things I wanted

For everything that moves me there are ten things that confuse me

But I'm no saint myself

[Chorus]

And that makes me a hypocrite

But everything is relative

With the world up on our shoulders it will crush us

I'm just another human being

Oblivious to everything

Another evolutionary miracle

[Verse 4]

The only public place I've ever seen true love

Was the baggage claim at the Baltimore airport

A father reunited with his two excited children

I probably would have cried but right then a cop rode by on a Segway

And he looked ridiculous so I laughed instead

[Chorus]

And that makes me a hypocrite

But everything is relative

If we don't pull together now, I think we'll never get the chance

Cause all of us are human beings

Oblivious to everything

Together and remarkable

Disdainful and despicable

We're all just evolutionary miracles