[LEMONY SNICKET]

You may think that the Baudelaires

Ought to prevail

And be tucked some place

All safe and sound

Count Olaf captured

And rotting in jail

His henchpeople nowhere around

[COUNT OLAF]

But there's no happy endings

Not here and not now

This tale is all sorrows and woes

You dream that justice

And peace win the day

But that's not how the story goes

[MR. POE]

You might think that two parents

Both brave and both true

Would live 'til a nice ripe old age

But I'm sad to say

I have bad news for you

The curtain rings down on the stage

[VIOLET & KLAUS]

Yes, there's no happy endings

Not here and not now

[COUNT OLAF]

This tale is all sorrows and woes

[MR. POE]

You might dream that justice

And peace win the day

[ALL]

But that's not how the story goes

[LEMONY SNICKET]

I once loved a girl

And she thought well of me

We thought we'd be happy together

But now I'm alone

As you can well see

And she's cold in her grave forever

[COUNT OLAF]

There's no happy endings

Not here and not now

[VIOLET & KLAUS]

This tale is all sorrows and woes

[VIOLET]

You might dream that justice

And peace win the day

[ALL]

But that's not how the story goes

[COUNT OLAF]

The world is a pair

Of ill-fitting pants

And other dire hideous clothes

[VIOLET & KLAUS]

You might think that three children

Would lead pleasant lives

But that's not how the story goes

[LEMONY SNICKET]

Some people smile

At the end of the day

[COUNT OLAF]

Some people laugh, I suppose

[MR. POE]

But to me, there's nothing

But gloom and despair

[ALL]

That's just how the story goes

[MR. POE]

That's just how the story— (coughs)

[Instrumental Outro]

[SUNNY] (whistling)

[MR. POE] (vocalizing)

(spoken)

Mm, that's nice