[Zayn]

Oh I'm just gonna pretend that I'm riding this bike

To make all you teen girls wet with delight

Do you feel that downstairs, that downstairs?

That's us taking your dad's cash

[Harry]

Oh, I know I know I know that this looks kinda strange

But I just feel right when I'm rubbing on Zayn

Please don't tell Taylor Swift, she'd get pissed

Even though I dumped that bitch

[Liam, Simon & Harry]

Guys this is bullshit, why do I have to ride this?

It's your punishment

For what?

For shaving your head!

Now let's all go

[All]

To Prison

So we can dance with locked up men

And then we can pretend that we play instruments, by posing with them in stupid pics

[Harry]

Why don't we take off all our clothes?

And play a game of drop the soap!

[All]

Hell Yea

[Simon]

I will take the photographs!

[All]

Let's drop our pants!

[Harry]

And these 5 soap bars!

[Zayn]

Oh maybe maybe if we all pretend we can ski

It will make this video less crappy

This is ridiculous-diculous

Who is directing this shit?

[Niall]

Oh, I’m only Irish guy singing in this song

That’s why I dance like a gay leprechaun

Also I play guitar, play guitar

Did ya know I play guitar?

[Liam]

Oh Holy Crap

Taylor Swift is on our ass

She’s got a GUN

[Taylor]

Ahhhhh!

[Zayne]

She’s gonna kill Harry and then write a

[All except Harry]

Hit song

About How you did her so wrong

[Taylor]

I knew you were Trouble Harry!! Can’t you see you belong with me?

[Harry]

Hey Maybe I can kill the bitch

Using my secret nipple trick

[ALL]

Go for it

[Taylor]

Oh my god what the hell is that?!

[ALL]

He just made her crash

[Harry]

With my 4 nipples!!!!

[ALL]

Harry has 4 nipples

Harry has 4 nipples

They made Taylor drive off the road

[Louis]

To celebrate let’s all dress up as

[ALL]

Sea – ee – men

Because we all love sea – ee – men

[Niall]

We mean jizz

[Louis]

I’m gonna give Harry a french kiss

[Zayne]

I am gonna suck on my own dick

[ALL]

Taylor was just a cover up

[Harry]

To hide the fact I like man Butt

[Taylor]

What did you say

[ALL]

How the hell is she still alive

[Taylor]

I will never die!

Now let me kill you!