[Round 1: Carter Deems]

{Carter hands Bonnie a bouquet of flowers}

I'm pretty sure this was fate

Or a really big mistake

Or an episode of Elimidate

First we hold hands then we play footsie, that a limb a date

We're in The Pit today but you'll still see more problems on stage than Ricki Lake

Still on Christmas Day I'll buy you something really great

And wrap it in a really pretty way cause I tie a bow (tae bo) like Billy Blanks

All my memes; really dank

Now it's time to get this straight...is this a date?

Are we gonna kiss today?

Cause let me warn you, my breath isn't great and my lips will shake like the hips on Justin Timberlake

I know we live in different states

But I'll fly you out, don't worry about the ticket rates

I'll put you in First Class like when Professor X had mental break

And Mystique had just started shifting shapes

I wanna cook for you

I'm a vegan but I still make really great shrimp and steak

And I'll even wash two of my dinner plates

I only own two dinner plates

I don't drink wine but I can squoosh some grapes

And then for desert, we can get some cake or some mini crepes

Use my mom's Netflix and watch season eight of Will & Grace

This will all happen between the hours of six and eight

Before it gets really late

Then we'll hop on the interstate and I'll give you a ride to the airport and carry your bags to the gate

Unless you don't want to end the date

Then we can hang on to the magic like a magician's cape

If you think it's been great we can tempt fate

And you can spend the night, I have an air mattress I can inflate

Trust me, I know how to lay on a floor

I've done a lot of Pilates til my body's sore

I don't care if you pierce my heart as long as we form a better Bond like Roger Moore

Tia & Tamera are cool but I like Roger more

Cause I know what it's like for a girl who your heart adores to lock the door

Still I'm too sharp to be chained down like when the God Of War tosses swords

I know you thought your stock would soar

If you came here, squashed the competition and rocked my goard

But I'm not sure why you're still alone when you rush your punches like Rocky 4

I'm not here to gossip more, I don't care why you broke up with Math Hoffa for

You both got my support, but if you wanna date me then I'm all aboard

Don't care if it adds up I'll be the new Math like Common Core

And if we ever got divorced I'd stay calm in court

[Round 1: Bonnie Godiva]

So last battle, Charron wasn't as hard as I thought

Now y'all brought a cat here vers' a bully

Well it's hard to Trump my last move, but this is a date and I am not afraid to grab you by the pussy

See I'm back today and this is like a [?] case versus a basket case

Back away I'm swinging you'll pay the price like a batting cage

I'm strapped today I'll leave you shaking forever that's Cassius Clay

And this box is not from Kays so when you see it ring out, do not engage

I know I told you I wouldn't be mean but fuck it I'm taking you out

And after I beat yo' ass tonight, you're taking me out

You already brought the flowers but I want dinner and candles too or bitch I'ma handle you

Your Head will need more than Ice if my Wolves rip flesh off animals

I dare he move

They done picked the right bitch to embarrass you

He think he fly til he get lift out his pair of shoes then slip out his parachute

See, while you rap like Ferris Bueller done missed every day at school

I got niggas with cannons who will take a clean head shot like the camera crew

Fuck the over joking, no over joking let's go blow for blow I'ma rope-a-dope him

Two .44's and D's will shake up his grill like he motor boating

See you do comedy but crime in me richer (Richard) that's different priors/Pryor

Only truth in your raps, it wasn't a lie when you said that you didn't write it

But he afraid of (Fredo) the truth, it look like you and Caustic got shit in common

Cause I just came to the west to expose this bitch after it rang on Danny, you Vicki Myers

Ain't no getting by us

Come off the ropes and get hit with a headline

They said this was a Suicide mission, I hardly ride but this Smith is a Deadshot

Y'all 'bout to watch him go out on a limb with what's overhead pop

Run up with the arm raised but the click made it look like a leg drop

Y'all think Jake will Snake me? He got a nice right but he not deadly

You're not ready, my resume is O'fficial, that's top heavy

See, why you local and spit basic I been all over the world when I switch stages

Cause I done battled for Lush One, ARP, Organik, hell I even ate off of Ms. Gracie

That mean I'm suited for any league

I'm 'bout to go to AHAT and jack it like Dick Tracy

But this bitch play me? I mean you rap straight but your mic swing gayly

You might've made Chedda/Cheddar Bob but your life ain't Shady

I feel like I'm battling the white Wayne Brady

So after this round I'm just gonna let today show how I can get Car' son'd daily (Carson Daly)

[Round 2: Carter Deems]

True story

I haven't always been the hottest hunk

My first night at college stunk

My roommate met a girl he brought her up

They started doing a lot of awkward stuff

Popping bottles, bottoms up

She just poured it, didn't even ask to borrow my cups

They passed me a beer they offered up, but even the smell of beer makes me want to vomit stuff

Plus I'm a chump who'd gotten stuck

Listening to a Jeff Foxworthy CD while they did weird things on the bottom bunk

So don't act like my life is not as tough

I know I don't always spit the hottest stuff

Against I.C.E. I wasn't hot enough

I was the clumsy kid at prom

Every time I dropped a punch the old guy came back to mop me up

He put me in a body bag, put the bag in the back and locked the trunk

Drove to a pond I got my body dumped

And everyone saw my rounds fall flat on I.C.E. like a hockey puck

I like to rap about farts and stuff

Earlier I took a smaller dump like Tonka Trunk

That was a lot of yuck but wasn't near as gross as when you pulled a Donald Trump

Please try not to touch

But she been talking foul/fowl that's Donald Duck

Bonnie tried to find joy by buying lots of stuff

Balling out with the racks like the Milwaukee Bucks

Still that's not enough

So if she placed her faith on the dollar like In God We Trust

So while you were fighting wars in designers stores buying Michael Kors

I was out here saving the world wearing Tomm's shoes and watching movies by Michael Moore

I love Scottie Pippen but you probably like Michael more

Cause you trying to score all the rings and the ice galore

She'll turn on her squad for the Diamond like Michael did in '94

[Round 2: Bonnie Godiva]

I really like you as a 40 Year Old Virgin but this round I'ma put you to bed Carter

I only got one question for you...have you ever seen a pussy that likes to get wet Carter?

Don't be nervous, I'm schooling you off top head starters

See punching with me is smart but that's harder

Cause being Rocky just doesn't suit you, it's easy to Get Carter

Y'all really think he can rap? A ghetto nerd in the streets with a gat?

Well he must've got Steve Jobs if you see him with Macs

Must be part of the Geek Squad he in the V with the Tecs/techs

I mean let's keep it a stack

Y'all call him Dexter like he season to snap

But you look more like poindexter and I'm just trying to see if he licks (Felix) the Cat

I mean, what are you doing later Carter?

What are you doing later cause I-I I heard the way you eat pussy and it's getting me open see

Like right now I'm supposed to be lyrically beating you openly

But I heard you got a seizure tongue and now I'm conflicted emotionally

I mean I even wrote a prom punch for you

{Bonnie takes out a piece of paper}

After these punchlines, Deems would you go with me?

I mean I'm not asking I'm thinking later I'll meet you in hosiery

At Whole Foods where the creams and the lotions be

And like a bad kid in public before you check out I'll have you eating the groceries

What are you doing later Carter?

Please don't make me ask you again

I mean you could even lie and tell your girlfriend that we're actually friends

Cause as far as a one night stand, you be a perfect score

You think we don't meet/meat up cause he eat it and leave it I never seen her before (herbivore)

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING LATER?!

Now you just making me angrier now

Now we ain't even going out, I'ma make you stay in the house

And if I catch you in the studio playing around I'll beat the pussy up while you're laying it down

Ike Turner and I may (Anna Mae) put the cake in his mouth

You 'bout to eat a lot of ass tonight

So you gonna spend a lot time on your knees

I mean I see you looking at my chest like you like what you see

You wanna feel around? Try me and squeeze

Since you look like the type to/two I suffocate you with my titties

So the reason that you die will be these/D's (diabetes)

Just be lucky that I'm not here tonight to dick check you

Cause you probably have a seizure and have to get checked too

I've been nice with the pads so whoever said other wise tell that bitch get proof

Cause QP's so such a faggot he'll probably tell you he wrote the dick check too

[Round 3: Carter Deems]

I really appreciate you not doing that and treating me like the new Charron

You asked me what I'm doing later I'll be at Applebees, sitting in a booth alone

In your last battle you grabbed Charron's pen-

In your last battle you grabbed Charron's pen-

In your last battle you grabbed Charron's...reproductive organ

That's nothing new girl so it's quite unimportant

But I am touched to know that your love's supportive

He said demeaning things I'm not saying those words should go unsupported

And I'm not saying you should just ignore it

But what you did to Charron was pretty much a Trump endorsement

But I'm not here to overload you with hatred

Being mean is so overrated

That was in the past and you're done with Math so me plus you is the only equation

It's like I'm going on a vacation with an unknown destination

Cause when it comes to love I got no reservation

That our love bloom hit your nose with a fragrance

I wanna be your boo, kay? (bouquet) so I organized this whole arrangement

And I know it's so amazing and I wanna be more than buds so I rose to the occasion

{Carter pulls out a corsage}

Is it okay if I pin this to your shirt?

See you're suppose to ask someone before you touch them for permission first

I'm not sure how this should work

[Bonnie]

I feel like you're gonna stick me with that

[Carter]

Yeah let me know if I hit you win the pin/pen and it really hurts

Maybe you should just put this in your purse

I apologize, I've been a jerk

But I'm just an introvert acting out like William Hurt

I don't want you kicking dirt cause your feelings hurt

We can still get matching scooters, his and hers

But when it comes to this battle by the time I spit my verse in the first

I've already took off with a body like a missing hearse

I'm after the grind like a percolater when it comes to earning paper

I make it first then I burn it later

Can't stop Carter's shine when the star's align like Ursa Major

You can hit me with a head shot with a red dot like The Terminator

Cover my shirt in the lasers

I don't care if you're gripping the nine I'll still spit a pick up line cause I love flirting with danger

Look, I know I usually rap about cats and farts and my jokes come up short like Kevin Hart

But this is just a romantic movie without the nakked parts

So forget the bars cause now my guard is down like when prisoner rake the yard as the rebellion starts

So if you think we should be kept apart

You might as well get the hollow tip and let the metal spark

Cause not even a bullet proof vest could protect my heart

[JeFFery]

You should fuck!

[Round 3: Bonnie Godiva]

That last bar you spit about Charron was like your mouth on my ass

I didn't get it until later

But me grabbing Charron really wasn't sexual harassment

I mean he hasn't been touched in a while so that was pretty much a favor

But how did you like my last round?

Did me talking about me about to strip get you open?

Well I got four words for you...Bitch I was joking!

If you think we'd fuck, I'ma need some of the shit you were smoking

Cause you rolled in like Troy thinking a stallion was your victory trophy

But how are you gonna win the war if you can't even fit in a Trojan?

Okay, I know you got jungle fever, well let's see where my bitches get 'round to you

Cause the nina is kinda [?] after she hit you she love to talk down to you

But the ratchet is snapping, I know you don't even like how that sound do you?

No wonder you only fuck with them Asians cause only them bitches will bow to you

Y'all should see his impersonations though like, y'all thought he only had one talent

But when he in person naked, he look down act like he Dumbfoundead

Quit the disguise there's no reason to even get in some thighs

Your text light as your sex life, he under achieves with every woman he finds

Then after sex he tries to freestyle excuses when he sees disappointed looks in their eyes

Like, "You know what? You might've got me in round one, but I came hard and I didn't even try."

Only reason I wanted to battle you is cause I wanted to look in your eyes

And tell you every time you masturbate a kitten dies

Don't lie

How many did you kill today Carter?

55?

69?

He's a fucking sick bastard, how he gotta watch kiddy/kitty porn to get it hard

I mean, I know I'm an asshole yeah but that is not what I thought of when I heard you were killing cats all year

You a fucking hood doormat

Acting like you cook raw crack

When it come to giving your Pet's Cemeteries, you really wrote the book on that

He's a King

Steven King

But I ain't come to spar

Why should I come to spar when y'all put an underdog vers' a cat that ain't fit for the under card

He don't even charge, it just take protocol like he love the law but speaking of law

You know what rhymes with "Carter Deems?"

(What?)

"Your failed Harvard dreams."

I mean, now I'm mad I even picked you this card because

You dropping out of college just symbolizes what a gimmick you are

You thought a law degree would be getting you far

But you haven't written thus far

So how is it 10 years later and you're still shaking trying to finish the bar?

So it's cool I mean, you ain't gotta mention no more shit about Math cause

Later on you gon' be the next rapper that's eating my ass