[Intro: Brendon Urie]

Can we fast-forward to go down on me?

[Chorus: LoonaGooner]

Matti just took an L, so he maddy

Might run it back, take a slap like a baddie

Hahahahahaha, I'm at him

Hahahahahaha, I'm at him

Ooh, I don't even need to try

LG is my name, spitting is my game

Crosswalk on him like it's Pooh's Adventures

That sugar effect, that boy need dentures

[Verse 1: LoonaGooner]

Ooh, I am John Cena, every time that I enter

With a cal, I see 'em, milk, R.I.P. Oreo

I feel like Klever to Cy, cuz I'm going raw on you

I know I speak Toronto, but I'm Smiley?

Not true

I'm at the top, bitch, I'm feelin' like A1

I'ma paint Sick's toes, make her feel like art, got it droppin' like day 1

When I saw Chiaura come to me, that's the first human I ever jacked to

Might get Coppola to shoot the vid, so I can label it "Jack 2"

Yesterday I was asking why I hate guys like you, guess I'm Jack too

I'd get ReactBot on the beat, but there's no mobile Jack, dude

[Pre-Chorus: LoonaGooner]

Dropped message to Matti from Brendon Urie

[Chorus 2: LoonaGooner & Brendon Urie]

Stop there, and let me correct it

I wanna live a life from a new perspective

You come along because I love your face

And I'll admire your expensive taste, and

Who cares? Divine intervention

I wanna be praised from a new perspective

But leaving now would be a good idea

So catch me up on gettin' out of here

[Interlude: Black Sans]

Aw damn, LG, I think I- I think I damn caught the shitty boy virus

[Verse 2: Black Sans]

Productions year boy tryna play with my Wii U

I say see you, and all my friends will agree too

Ain't nobody like your begging, your whole subculture, it been my circus

I've been dropping hit after hit, while you can't even record a bit of dissin'

When you're wagin' war on Sans, you're wagin' war with Stefan

This my whole fuckin' universe, you just own a farm

E-I-E-I-O, repeat my shit while I go

Take a diarrhea dump on your brain, I think I may have made it better bro

World War 3's the last thing I'm promoting on YouTube Shorts reposts

I wanna let everyone be heard, when I give them chairs and a show to host

Why don't you just press delete?

Why don't you just go be movie buddies with Mightypupsfanboy instead of targeting me?

All I hear is "erm"s and "actually"s from your banner, you freak

If you're rapping, you're only spitting on Cyraxx beats

Favorite rappers prolly the ones from ERB

When you gonna move on? When the track might be dropping

Over here roleplaying in comments, that's why you stay in fiction more than facts

You go to your parents and try to sleep with a nap, some warm milk to relax

I roll up to your damn window, hit a tap tap tap

And the whole house is Left Eye, have em BLAP BLAP BLAP

Write a letter, Stan the Third, have me read it verbatim

I'll finally let the racism in you stay overtaken

Rest of the mixtape ain't gon' mention you, these disses cheese and bacon

Quit your whole career before you end up being all mistaken

Kiwi Farms your new fans, I say "Hi there"

Beating women the only time you'll ever get care

Black Sans the king of the underground, you the sacrificial lamb

And that's the channel deletion right there with your name in the sand

[Verse 3: Uncle Steve]

Here we go now

Tell me, what you really wanna do? Come here, Ma

Talk to a nigga, talk to me

You look like you could really give it to a nigga

From the way you talk and the way ya try to walk for me

The way you really try to put it on a dawg

Doin' it like ya never did before for me

The way you break yo' back, and I break yo' neck

And the way you try to put it on the floor for me

(Come on!) Come on (Come on!)

Oh, yeah, tell me where my niggas is at (Okay!)

Lemme address y'all niggas one time

While I lock that down and I hit you with that

(With what?) That bomb shit

Y'all niggas know all day we be makin' it drop

Y'all niggas know every time I come through

This motherfucker, where we always takin' the ride

(So let me do this, bitch!)

Y'all niggas know when we come, we be makin' it flop

The way we makin' it hot'll make a nigga wanna stop

Get money, then cash that check for me

All my niggas just bust yo' TEC for me

Everybody from every hood, bang yo' head

'Til you break your motherfuckin' neck for me

[Interlude: LoonaGooner]

Wagwan, Uncle Steve, for dropping verse of the year

Now it's time for verse of the year 2

[Verse 4: LoonaGooner]

Matti boy vegan, he don't want beef

The only type he want is the ones close to Chiaura's knees

I'll forever stick with you, like I'm the Klasky Csupo compy

The mixtape will drop, this the grand finale

Go talk to your walls, instead of bracket eye rolling

KleverKid, yeah, he my GOAT, he got the best memes

Time for a Q&A, have you ever considered the STV gang is working for me?

Heard you praisin' all the rest, yet you hatin' Haydie?

Why you calling me clever, boy you should hate me?

You could've had a peaceful career, you can't fire at me

I might take your n-word text and put it in a muse-

Um, I feel like I'm Alphys, I regret making a fucking mistake

Dancing on your grave like I heard the Drake Adidon beat

I don't know what else to tell you except I'm free for another new verse

[Interlude: Black Sans & LoonaGooner]

Aight, aight, that's good, we got a golden diss track on our hands

Ayo fr on god fam

Yeah, thanks LG, by the way, I was wondering, why do you get two verses, yet I've only gotten one

I think that seems a bit uneven, mind if I spit for a bit?

Sure man, just give the rest a chance to shine

Aight, for re-... ayo what the fuck

[Verse 5: Coingamer]

I see you testing me

I'm part of STVs

Slay Tracks Vehemently, bitch it's no mystery

You think you gettin' in the server, you on crystal meth

You speakin' tons but sayin' nothin', call you Napalm Death

My flow goes and glows, it's my moment

No breaks, I spit my noise, I'm Sore Throat, man

You talk and talk, you realize you're dead meat

And meanwhile, I'm killin' this sick beat

You a grown man, no, you not a zoomer

Eat you up like tuna, la vida es una, hakuna

I'm here with LoonaGooner, I feel like I'm the top

They call me a femboy, but I make that thang hop

I drop it like Oppenheimer, your mom, I get behind her

You know she love that Comedy Rop

Ah, fuck I can't pronounce it, but you get the point

And while we're at it, let's keep track of the points

It's 1 and it's 0, my points are 1 like NEMO!

I stall on you like Horse with DEVO, like Benzino you are nobody, bitch

I fly and you stench

I levitate over you like Trench, call it french flies

Go get some exercise, cut down the extra fries

You say slurs like Blur, you fuckin' pork life

You actin' like a gorilla, suck my noodle

'Cause you's a bitch like poodle, this digs into your mood

Like it's clipping, bitch

[Interlude: Black Sans]

Alright... are we done here?

Can I finally rap for once?

...Okay

Matti, go and fuckin' leave

[Verse 6: greg]

Yo, it's me, Greg

I'm doing a verse

But it's gonna be the worst

Call me Weezer, cuz I be just like Buddy Holly in this place

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Well, they don't really need to rhyme now

It's not really the time now

So so so yeah

So so so yeah

I'm kinda just gregging and gregging and gregging

Call me greg, yeah, because

You're gregnane

Oh yeah

DarkHorse, you say neigh

But you're not DarkHorse, you're way worse

You think you're DarkHorse but you're not

Yeah yeah yeah

I don't really know what to say so we'll look at Rivers Cuomo

I don't know

[Interlude: Black Sans]

'Kay, o-okay! Okay

Jee-, I was meant to have the fourth fucking verse on this song!

And now I'm being designated to the fucking seventh?

Okay!

Matti, you-

Holy fuck, is that "Weird Al" Yankovic?

[Verse 7: "Weird Al" Yankovic]

Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town

Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here

I thought that I would go right out of my mind

Until a friend told me the news

He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot

Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it

And on that spot they're gonna build a shop

Where we can go buy bolts and screws"

Since then I've been walking on air (air)

I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair

Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care

I've been waiting since last June

For this day to finally arrive

I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive

Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside

Well, I hope they open soon

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)

When are they gonna open up that door?

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the

Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the

Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the

Hardware store

In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight

Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out

I pressed my nose right up against the glass

You know, I had to be first in line

Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom

Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house

See those hacksaws? Very, very soon

One of them will be all mine

Guys with nametags walking down the aisles

Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles

Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles

All arranged alphabetically

And they're doing a promotional stunt

There's a great big purple sign out front

That says every 27th customer

Will get a ball peen hammer free (Would you look at all that stuff)

They've got Allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters

Trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters

Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires

BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers

Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters

Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters

Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables

Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles

Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication

Metal roofing, waterproofing, multi-purpose insulation

Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors

Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors

Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers

Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers

Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers

Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

[Interlude: Isabella Dementia/Bianca Selgram/Harper Daxon/Black Sans]

Like genuinely, do you see this shit?

Mhm, yep

People are still listening to this song and it's been 9 minutes

I mean Black Sans DID say he wanted to make this the perfect diss track

Yeah, I guess you're right

Hold up sorry, Discord call

Ayo, how are my perfect group of unwilling participants doing?

I mean... kinda good, heard the mixtape's going good, right?

Hell yeah, but listen, I have an issue

You see, I think LoonaGooner invited way too many participants onto this omega diss

Like we got Timmy Turner, specifically from Desiigner's song here

We got Black John Kramer offering free apprentice applications, and he wants to do a verse too

We got Gangsta Mario AND Gangsta Sonic in the same room for the first time in years

Man, I remember the last time I saw them in a rap battle, it was heated as shit, bro, check it out

[Intro: Announcer]

Cartoon Rap Battles

Mario

Versus

Sonic

Begin

[Verse 8: Mario]

Okay, hold up

A hedgehog that does cardio?

Please take a seat cause it's me Mario

Your face looks like you got hit by a truck

No one plays your games cause they know that they suck

By the way where is Luigi? Oh, there he is!

The fact you even have a fanbase is hilarious

Look at me, I'm dropping words of certainty

Your brain is so small, it's the size of a bumblebee

Please don't try to step to me, I'll win this battle easily

Never try to beef with me

I'll K.O. you breezily

My games are like the grass

It's always greener

I never placed last cause I'm the winner

[Verse 9: Sonic]

Win against me? You must be insane

You're jealous, cause all your games are lame

Try to catch up to me, you're way too slow

You eat mushrooms daily, but still can't grow?

I can outrun you on your best day with my dash

When will you realize Nintendo milks you for cash

Even your mother can tell you that you're trash

I'll reduce you to ash and rip off your mustache

[Verse 10: Mario]

Who are you insulting? Have you gone insane?

I own this rap battle, this is my domain

By the way, who are you calling a sellout?

Sonic the Hedgehog is always trying to steal my clout

I'll teach you a lesson so here is a taste

You're so ugly, your fans are to fix your face

This is true, so swallow the pill

I'd run you over, but you're already roadkill

[Verse 11: Sonic]

Oh well, I guess the ball is in my court

You're going downhill, someone call tech support

With any amount of skill, anyone can play you

Your nose is so big, do you have the flu?

Sonic rules the world, everything is mine

Mario so greedy, you should pay a fine

You suck the fun out of games like a leech

Later, I'm going to go dance with Princess Peach

[Interlude: Announcer/Mario/Sonic]

Wow, that was a great round

Before we go on to round two

Type down below in the comments who won

Why did you say that about Princess Peach?

You don't even know who she is

You are very lucky, because we are in public

Otherwise I teach a lesson about respect with my fists

I've been cleaning out the trash for years now and I'll sweep the floor with you

Once we hit the second round, it's over for you

Who are you kidding?

You're all washed up, Mario

Both you and Luigi couldn't beat me on your best days

I've got a plan for round two so beware, you clown

The amount of tricks I've got up my sleeves will leave you shocked

What sleeves? You're not even wearing a shirt

Listen, I've been brushing up on my rhymes, but I'm not a rapper though

You don't need to rhyme when you rap

Rapping comes from within

It's not about sounding fancy or using words you read out of a dictionary, Sonic

Okay then, let's have a race right now

Whoever wins the race can win the cartoon rap battle without going on to the second round

Don't get all shy on me now, I know that if I asked you to do a jumping challenge, you would hop on it right away

No pun intended

You are working on my nerves

Do you even know who you're talking to?

I am Mario

I am an icon living

So Sonic, are they ever going to fix your face for the movie?

I heard about all the commotion that happened and I can't help but feel bad

Don't feel bad, my fans only wanted me to get plastic surgery because they loved me

I like to look at things in a positive light

I'm just glad that people even care in the first place

Could you imagine being a character who just gets ignored by the world

Besides things could be much, much worse

Yeah, at least you're human like the rest of us

Okay, boys, let's wrap things up

No pun intended

The second round is right around the corner

Prepare yourselves

Today, you've been given a chance to show your fanbase what you've got

By eliminating your opponent in a lyrical battle

Many have tried to win the cartoon rap battles in the past

But have failed due to being either too confident or being too weak

A balance is needed to win these things

Your rapping skills must be perfectly balanced

Hey, you're starting to sound like Thanos

Could you imagine if Thanos had a cartoon rap battle?

That would be hilarious

Yeah, what if Thanos went against the Avengers?

That would be wild

Too bad that will never happen

[Intro: Announcer]

Thanos

Versus

The Avengers

Let the cartoon rap battle begin

[Verse 12: Black Thanos]

You all failed, so you came back to me

I'm gonna snap the Avengers, like I did to the neck of Loki

Once I win this rap battle, I'll get the throne

Captain Marvel, you have as much personality as a stone

Thor, Iron Man, Rogers, all garbage on my list

I'm glad I made half of humanity cease to exist

Since I snapped, no more children need to be fed

By the way, Thor, you should've just gone for my head

[Verse 13: Steve Rogers/Captain America]

I'll make sure that you get a good butt kicking for that and pay

You could swing at the Avengers, but I can do this all day

Once I'm done with you, you're gonna need a bandage

Okay team, let's go get this son of a-

[Verse 14: Tony Stark/Iron Man]

Language!

We won't lose again, this time we've got a plan

How low can you get, dude?

You took out Spider-Man

You love no one and no one loves you

Now, here's a lesson in the art of kung-fu

Your rap was as ugly as your chin

Lines so weak they belong in the trash bin

[Verse 15: Thor]

You're evil, disgusting and filled with loads of strife

The only thing more pathetic would be your love life

You need a doctor? Go schedule an appointment

Then ask "what's the cure for ugly?", the mortals call it ointment

I am the son of Odin, powerful with prestige and glamour

I think your face would look better once it's been crushed by my hammer

[Interlude: Announcer]

Ladies and gentlemen

Mario vs. Sonic

[Verse 16: Mario]

Roses are red and violets are blue

You're a disgrace to the Sega crew

You are not part of the group

So watered down, I'll slurp you like soup

Ice on my shoes, wrist waters on my neck

Nice brother choose his daughter then I left

Revelation has it you're as fast as a snail

Your gimmick is running, way to be stale Mario vs. Sonic, you'll need some tonic

I will just frolic, my rhymes are harmonic

I won this battle, so please take note

Can someone please pass the remote

[Verse 17: Sonic]

Your second round was worse than your first

I'm already roasting you with the first verse

Okay, I'll stop talking about running

You're still relevant, now that is stunning

I wish Tails was here to help me win

Oh well, my power comes from within

Your words mean nothing, I have thick skin

Just like your video games, you belong in the bin

[Verse 18: Mario]

I am Mario

I am the best at rapping

I am sorry, bro

You're the next at lapping

Three quarters of my skill can be lent to you

Use it wisely, oh wait, you have no clue

Roasting you is just a big hassle

I'll lock you away in Bowser's Castle

Try to jump and you will fall

I got to go and take Princess Peach's call

[Verse 19: Sonic]

Come on, man, you're not even trying

Where's Tails? Cuz imma go flying

I'm pretty sure I can do this all day

When Mario shows up, no one wants to play

You still want to fight, then throw the first shove

I see you copied my size, style and glove

I'm like the sun, I shine in the summer

I may be a hedgehog, but at least I'm not a plumber

[Interlude: Mario/Sonic]

You know what?, You're not that bad, Sonic

Same to you, Mario

Hey, sorry about the stuff I said earlier, I didn't really mean all that stuff

Oh no, no, don't apologize

It was funny, I was just acting tough

I didn't want to let my fans down, they've supported me all these years

I have a suggestion after the show, let's travel to each other's worlds

I wouldn't mind joining you on an adventure

From the sound of it, your world seems wild

Of course, we can save the princess and go on a journey of a lifetime

Friends?

Friends!

[Interlude: Black Sans/Isabella Dementia/Jeff the Killer/LoonaGooner/Banban]

So yeah, if you can come over here and get all these bastards out, that'd be amazing

Sure, we'll be there in, uh, 20 minutes roughly

No, Jeff the Killer, you cannot Jeff the Kill me in front of everyone at this party

Yes, I know I have girls coming around, but no, you cannot Jeff the Kill any of them either

So... is this what you asked for?

Absolutely not, I thought this label was just you and me, what's with all these other fuckas?

I thought you'd appreciate the idea of getting way more people to diss Matti

Yeah, like the STV crew and all that, not fucking serial killers and jesters!

Look, just be glad I was able to bring so many people together for this

I'm not DJ Kay Slay, I'm Black Sans, do you think I can babysit all these guys?

Ayo bro, do you got some of that good kush here?

No, but we do have the mythical perc 60 in the Dr. Perky

Seriously, like who are half of these guys?

Well, we got Tyler, The Creator, Anuel AA, Drake, Kendrick Lamar, Ski Mask The Slump God, Eminem, Central Cee, Yuno Miles

Wait, huh, excuse me?

[Verse 20: Eminem]

I left my legacy hurt? Fuckin' absurd

Like a shepherd havin' sex with his sheep, fuck what you heard

All this talk in my ear, I got a idea

Like the clerk when you tryna buy beer (ID ya)

Since on the mic, I'm a nightmare

Fuck it, I thought this might be a good time to put woke me to rockabye

I got the bottle of NyQuil right here (Right here)

You want the sleep me to wake, you want Slim Shady EP

That's on the CD cover, sockin' my mirror (Sockin' my mirror)

I promise not to cry crocodile tears (Crocodile tears)

If you end up shocked at my lyrics (Shocked at my lyrics)

Marshall is dead in the water, but not that I care

Dre said, "Rock the boat" and the Doc is my peer

So, it's unanimous, you're at attention, the planet's listenin'

And their banana splits again, which has its advantages

But when you got nothing to say except for the hand your dick is in

And if your plan's to stick it in Janice Dickinson

Imagine if the Temazepam is kickin' in, it's havin' you panic-stricken

You're trippin' off of tryptophan and tripped a fan in Switzerland

Just for askin' to autograph a picture

Then ripped it in half and whipped it at him

And kicked his ass all the way back to Michigan

But no matter how many rounds or if I get knocked down

In a bout and fell to the ground

I got a fighter's mentality, I'll get back up and fight with it

In fact, I'ma attackin' the mic with it

I'll make it sound (Sound), sound like a vampire's bitin' it (Bitin' it)

But I'd have to be Dracula's sidekick (Sidekick)

To be down for the count (Haha), yeah

Yo, album's (What?), out (Yeah), now (Uh)

Pow (Pow), wow (Woo), I don't (Huh), see no (Uh) clouds (Nah)

But ain't gon' (No) be no (Huh) drought (Uh-uh)

Smile (No), frown (Yeah), upside (Ah) down (Ya)

Shut my (Nope) mouth (Yeah), how? (How)

That ain't what (What) I'm 'bout

Shout (Shout), showers (Fuck it, ow, ow)

Thuggin', thug it out (Ow), 'cause

[Verse 21: Kendrick Lamar]

Bitch, where you when I was walkin'?

Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin'

King Kunta, everybody wanna cut the legs off him

Kunta, black man taking no losses, oh yeah

Bitch, where you when I was walkin'?

Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin'

King Kunta, everybody wanna cut the legs off him

You goat-mouth mammyfucker

I was gonna kill a couple rappers, but they did it to themselves

Everybody's suicidal, they ain't even need my help

This shit is elementary, I'll probably go to jail

If I shoot at your identity and bounce to the left

Stuck a flag in my city, everybody's screamin', "Compton!"

I should probably run for mayor when I'm done, to be honest

And I put that on my momma and my baby boo too

Twenty million walkin' out the court buildin', woo-woo!

Aw, yeah, fuck the judge

I made it past twenty-five, and there I was

A little nappy-headed nigga with the world behind him

Life ain't shit but a fat vagina

Screamin', "Annie, are you okay? Annie, are you okay?"

Limo tinted with the gold plates

Straight from the bottom, this the belly of the beast

From a peasant to a prince to a motherfuckin' king (Oh yeah)

[Chorus: Little Mix & Kendrick Lamar]

From the sky, drop like confetti

All eyes on me (Bitch, where you when I was walkin')

So VIP (Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin', King Kunta)

All of my dreams (Everybody wanna cut the legs off him)

From the sky, drop like confetti (All of my dreams, woah) (Kunta, black man takin' no losses, oh yeah!)

You're missin' me (You're missin' me) (Bitch, where you when I was walkin')

I'm finally free (But I'm finally free) (Now I run the game, got the whole world talkin', King Kunta)

I got what I need (I got what I need) (Everybody wanna cut the legs off him)

So let it rain down like confetti (Oh, you got the yams? What's the yams?)

Oh, la-la-la, let it rain down

Oh, la-la-la, let it rain down

Oh, la-la-la, let it rain down

Oh, let it rain down (Oh, la-la-la, let it rain)

[Interlude: Matti/Isabella Dementia/Bianca Selgram]

Ugh, do they really think they can just make an entire 23 minute (as of right now) diss track on me?

Don't they know that the hard R was an acronym, miniscule simpletons

If I could reach them, somehow... in some way... I'd at the very least say sorry for being a nuisance

Wait, who the fuck are these guys?

Alright, targets are aplenty, let's see if we can fuck this up?

Can't we do this in a less violent way?

No...

I'll do the business, you both just try to blend in

Attention, Tumblr crossover

All Black Sans asks of you is to leave, or be burned

...This is the 22nd verse by the way

[Verse 22: Isabella Dementia]

Stop your yapping

This shit's active

Might leave you empty with channels with zero action

Black Sans, LG, PD, classic

Bled on LiveLeak, Plagued Moth mash that

And soon as this shit gets started, yes

I might turn around and turn this shit to Project X

Caught you biting my flow, that's like Reshiram to Justin

RPG, the way I grind and my guts spin

This the AO3 for the KOD

Klutz of Darkness and lolcows, they on me

Might try to finish up, it's somehow still active

The ritual of now is probably going ass backwards

Guns drawn, slang me, claim I'm crazy

Don't ever phase me, my ass is on your labia

I'ma write a line about how everyone should be out

I may be grey, bitch you're dragging me down

[Interlude: Black Sans/LoonaGooner]

Alright, that clearly isn't working, seems like the other girls are just chatting it up so... we can just do our own thing, lay back and wait for this to all roll over...

Yeah sure

[Interlude: Matti/Packgod/Bianca Selgram]

Y'all really think you're better off without me?

I'll make you wish I was back, just wait and see

If only Packgod were here to help me against this furry bitch

Hello, it's me, Packgod... *cough*

Oh wow, a Discord call? For me! Who could it be?

AYO FURRY, IT'S ME PACKGOD

A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME YOU SAID SOMETHING BAD ABOUT PHONK

I'MA NEED TO SHOW YOU SOME STUFF THAT YOU COULD ONLY FIND ON R/BASED

CERTIFIED PACKGOD MOMENT

[Verse 23: Packgod]

AYO SHUT YO SKIN TONE CHICKEN BONE GOOGLE CHROME NO HOME FLIP PHONE DISOWNED ICE CREAM CONE GARDEN GNOME EXTRA CHROMOSOME METRONOME DIMMADOME GENOME FULL BLOWN MONOCHROME STUDENT LOAN INDIANA JONES OVERGROWN FLINTSTONE X AND Y HORMONE FRIENDZONE SYLVESTER STALLONE SIERRA LEONE AUTOZONE PROFESSIONALLY SEEN SILVER PATRONE CHING CHONG LIN LONG SUCK MY DING DONG HEADASS REMOTE CONTROL AUTISM DOWN SYNDROME STAGE FOUR TERMINAL BRAIN CANCER O'RILEY AUTOPARTS SILVER BRONZE ASH AMINO UV LIGHT PEN SUSHI RAM RAMEN HARISSON FORD GAMER BITCH ASS VIRGIN LAMP THERMOMETER LEAN MEAN STRING BEAN CHARLIE SHEEN LIMOUSINE CANTEEN TRAMPOLINE SERPENTINE ANTI HISTAMINE WOLVERINE SUBMARINE UNCLEAN NECTARINE BROKEN GENE HALLOWEEN DETECTIVE SPLEEN SMOKE SCREEN JAMES DEAN PUTTING GREEN TINY PEEN ANTI VACCINE AQUAMARINE EUGENE EXTRA GREEN NICOTINE VASELINE JELLY BEAN MAGAZINE PROTEIN LIGHTNING MCQUEEN VENDING MACHINE WHAT'CHU MEAN OCEAN MAN BY WEEN HEAD ASS TF UP BITCH

[Interlude: Packgod/Matti/LoonaGooner/Black Sans]

So do I get paid?

No

God damn, you really think this diss thing is the best idea when he's that lonely

He has 2.5k subs or some shit, that's where you draw the line?

Yeah, but what if he does something drastic about this whole thing

He can't even handle burnt bridges, you think he can handle 25 minutes of disses? Besides I've done worse up there in Chicago, I remember those days

But we have to find a way to stop all of this, this could lead to some incomprehensible shit we'd have no clue about

*sigh* Fine, as long as it gets these freaks out of my sight

Dattebayo!

Alright, remember how to do this, do this like Kanye did to Drake in 2021

What? Inform him of Larry Hoover?

Yes...

[Verse 24: Black Sans/LoonaGooner/Evil]

Matti boy, what's going on? I know what you did was wrong

But maybe just as long as you belong to your own, we'll be all gone

Is that blood on the concrete, must've sent someone to God

I've got a spray, you know smells nice when you actually-

STOP!

Who the fuck are you? She kinda a baddie too

I'm the root of all evil, step away 'fore I batter you

Matti's gone now, he gave himself all up to me

Sacrificial lamb, a small-town ram, and I'ma chow on all the meat

Well, we have no beef with you specific

LG's the homie I live with

So if you allow us to be good, we won't bother you any further, is that it?

Nah (Grah, grah)

Revival after five years, gore's my fucking fetish, dude

Enslave you then make you view every sin with some previews

Pibbying, glitchying, makin' you burn from the sunshine

It's you, your friends, your family, then your entire fucking bloodline

Watch me move the crowd, your screams, yeah, they'll be loud

Stefan, when was the last time you've ever been fuckin' proud

Of your music since you fell and took the game

Now all you got's a harem cause you couldn't get some jumped babes

Cruentus corpus

Carorum pereunt

Ego got ultimo verba

Ah-ah-ah-ah

Jesus christ, okay, we'll get away from your fuckin' zone

Holy shit, is that Matti's fucking flesh and bones

Erm, we're out of here

[Scooby-Doo running sound]

HEY! DUMB SHITS! GET BACK HERE!

[Interlude: Black Sans/Hellbent]

This is bad, real bad

Now we have someone hellbent on killing anyone in their way for no other reason than for fun and we have to find some way to stop it

...Say that again?

[Verse 25: Dolan]

(Planet Dolan)

Caught ya lackin' in the SpindleHorse function

Catch this truth and let it screw, like it's fucked up production

This a 30v1, biggest bands since BROCKHAMPTON

Your tomfoolery, this draco I'm slangin', I be extend-

[Verse 26: Hellbent]

Hi, I'm the Reddit story topper, the demon show stopper

Got my name on this win like it's the Hellbentcopter

You fucked latin with some trap sounds, worse than reggaeton did

And by the way, I SWEAR I NEVER GROOMED A DAMN KID-

[Verse 27: Melissa Morgan]

Lock and poach, copped a joker the second this bird flew

Drop a deuce on your tube when you can't keep your fuckin' 5 views

Yeah, honestly, I don't know who you even are

Now pass the mic over to Shima, for the educational bars

[Interlude: Logic]

Cause I'm proud to be black, but matter fact

If it was flipped around and every time somebody asked me

What it was like to be a white rapper

"What's it like to be a white rapper, Logic?"

Oh and I was just like, just never talked about it like

"Man, it's just so great being a white rapper

White, white, white, white everything

White man—being white's so great—wow it's so great"

And then some brother was like, "Ayy, ain't yo daddy black?!"

And I was like "Oh shit!"

And the whole world be like "What, are you scared to be black?

Are you ashamed to be black?! Motherfucker, fuck you!

Fuck you, you piece of shit, mixed, biracial, fucking cunt"

[Verse 28: Shima Luan]

I'm here to give you the disses and all your answers

How 'bout you give me some bars to dissect, instead of cringe and cancer

Cuz logos, bitch I started it, let me say it this way

Even with Brit dead, Luan is still bringing the propane

Bitch, you couldn't even get a top 5 verse on the track

Had to combat with some lore drops, like you're Mat without Pat

Here's to BS, LG and Coin, Greg, Weird Al and Mario

Sonic, Thanos, CA, RDJ, Thor, Slim and Kendrick Lamar

Little Mix and Izzy D, PACKGOD and Dolan, up to par

Notice how I never mentioned you, cuz you ain't have no bars

Like there's no handlebars, disappear without a cause

Think that you can stab when your whole audience is set back far?

Bet if the rest were here, we'd have a whole field day

Punk Darlink for that prime shit, treat like Matti tryna fuckin' stay

You wanna join a new crew, I'll give you one you deserve

When I throw you to the bloods and leave your face on burnt shirts

Plushphiles and degens the only one who defending your tantrums

And I thought that I was the one who was held for ransom

[Chaos]

[Interlude: LoonaGooner/Evil]

AH GOD, THEY'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD

Look at you, foolish, everyone you know will be jumped

WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Can you shut up and let me do my job?

I DON'T CARE, JUST STOP THIS AT ONCE

I swear to god I'll hurt you

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

Haydie, go at 'em

[Verse 29: Haydiebobotv]

I don't grab microphones, I grab weapons and fire

Better watch the fuck out, I'm buckwild and fucking hardwired

This ain't no fucking battle, I can handle all the cattle

That your ass could wish for, you pass as your lungs drown in molasses

I'll make your fucking parents infertile, make your siblings curtal

Your attention span's as fast as a fuckass turtle

Make you an orphan without a fucking orphanage

Like a fucking sheep or a cow without a motherfucking curtilage

Put you in the fucking streets and treat you like the streets

Cut off your family's feet and serve them to restaurants like meat

Fuck being careful, I wanna see you despairful

I'm going controversial, murdering bitches in the rehearsal

Get you sleep depraved as you witness my shit photoengraved

Your fucking liver I crave and your father enslaved, I'm gonna stay

Somewhere, my human software puts a faggot in despair

I declare as I'm aware in fresh air that this is fucking solitaire

So listen up, I'm the martyr who's ready for murder

Your life is getting shorter, the absorber's getting further

I hold no quarter to nobody who ain't even a quarter

Of my level, I just watch them suffer in kwashiorkor

I rape and maim faggots who stray in my motherfucking way

Following the same routine like it ain't another day

I'm taking all the space, I'm motherfucking gluttonous

Presumptuousness is my motto for my doubled doubleness

Don't expect no apology, bitch, I'm too erect

Reject your retrospect and infect with your own defect

Disconnect the imperfect and intersect from incorrect

You're just too fucking soft-brained to realise how bad you've lost your own way

Faggot

[Verse 30: Evil]

Tried to stop the creation of online hate

You must be insane, I'm far beyond

Your comprehension in terms of greatness

I'm a top tier level, further and above

Wish that we could bring it back to the good ol' days

When Big Chungus was peak humor

Like Chiaura's coochie is peak sooper

And the bar was set high, like a weed smoonker

I'm the Linkara of hip-hop, the shit I say is all real

Soon as KayBee loses their way then they'll feel the way I feel

Hit Tigggger with the trigger and leave Coin fuckin' spent

All while you become the bonemeal while I spend cash on fent

I'm gon' slit your fuckin' throats, I will hang you like a coat

If you're dropping your next project, better get me in the booklet

If I'm not lined all in ink, then I'll let you vore 10 bullets

I will throw your whole shit off, with your ribs, I play hopscotch

She like Evil, I like vodka, so I said your dick teeny and send her some scotch

I will shoot you as you run, in your ass, I will cum

This was Black Sans and now his ass will be fully fuckin' jumped

[Interlude: Black Sans/Lil Mabu]

Wait, what?-

Get it, cuz blue and red equals purple, so I blew her back out and I left her on red, don't let that go over your head

[Verse 31: Oreo]

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy

Living in a box under the stairs

In the corner of the basement of the house

Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop

You know the place

Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning

My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Daww, big bowl of sauerkraut

Every single morning

It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom

I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, sweet mother

She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train

And she leaned right down next to me

And she said "It's good for you"

And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth

And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut

Until I was twenty six and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday

Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place

Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer

And the towels are oh so fluffy

Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long

And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true

Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest

To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize

That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Oh yeah

You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before

And I gotta tell ya, it was really great

Except that I had to sit between two large albino women

With excruciatingly severe body odor

And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time

The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts

And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore

And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out

And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside

And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died

Except for me

You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha

Ah ha ha

Ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage

I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days

Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag

And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball

And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel

But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn

Where the towels are oh so fluffy

And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna

It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C

And I turned on the SpectraVision

And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow

That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?

I say "Who is it?"

No answer

"Who is it?"

There's no answer

"Who is it?"

They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected

It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril

Oh man, I hate it when I'm right

So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel

And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"

"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"

And he's like "Tough"

And I'm like "Give it"

And he's like "Make me"

And I'm like "'Kay"

So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus

And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows

And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation

Yes indeed, you better believe it

And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook

And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice

And you know what it said?

I'll tell you what it said

It said

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"

"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"

"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

In Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel

But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest

I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice

But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop

And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter

And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"

I said "You got any glazed donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"

I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"

I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"

I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"

He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"

I said "You got any apple fritters?"

He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"

I said "You got any bear claws?"

He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"

"No, we're outta bear claws"

I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"

He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"

I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out

And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over

Oh man, they were just going nuts

They were tearin' me apart

You know, I think it was just about that time

That a little ditty started goin' through my head

I believe it went a little something like this

Doh

Get 'em off me

Get 'em off me

Oh

No, get 'em off, get 'em off

Oh, oh God, oh God

Oh, get 'em off me

Oh, oh God

Ah, aah, aah

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face

Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'

Like a constipated wiener dog

And as luck would have it

That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams

Her name was Zelda

She was a calligraphy enthusiast

With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches

I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me

She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love

We were inseparable after that

Aw, we ate together, we bathed together

We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss

The world was our burrito

So we got married and we bought us a house

And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly

Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me

She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"

I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"

"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"

So we broke up and I never saw her again

But that's just the way things go

In Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me

Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream

That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler

I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire with my face

Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that

I was gettin' a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot

Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil

When I see this guy Marty

Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself

So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"

And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes

"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me

He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"

Well, that's just great

How was I supposed to know that?

I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud

Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy

So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote

This guy comes up to me on the street

And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days

Well, I knew what he meant

But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein

And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over

And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"

But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming

You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation

Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?

Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK

Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it

But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I hate sauerkraut

That's all I'm really tryin' to say

And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up

And find yourself in an existential quandary

Full of loathing and self-doubt

And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence

At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that

Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours

There's still a little place called

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said "A" (A)

"L" (L)

"B" (B)

"U" (U)

"Querque" (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque