[Intro: Press Release]

In today's music news: the ever-controversial Tupac Shakur has just released another album under the alias "Makaveli." Music insiders are running wild trying to rearrange other artists' street dates in fear of a wipeout in retail inter-chart movement. Although no one knows the exact cause of the new album, resources tell me a number of less fortunate rappers have joined together in conspiracy to assassinate the character of not only Mr. Shakur but of Death Row Records as well. Nas, the alleged ring leader, is furious at 2Pac's – excuse me – Makaveli's verbal assault on Mobb Sleep, Notorious P.I.G., and several other New York rappers. JAY-Z from "Hawaiian Sophie" fame, Big Little whatever, and several other corny-sounding motherfuckers are understandably shaken up by this release. The question everybody wants to know is: why'd they get this nigga started? 2Pac – rather Makaveli – was not available for comment but released this statement:

[Spoken: 2Pac]

It's not about East or West

It's about niggas and bitches

Power and money, ridaz and punks

Which side are you on?

*Heartbeat* *Gunshots*

*Encroaching footsteps*

These niggas is still fuckin' talkin'?

You niggas still breathin'? Fuckin' roaches

A'ight, it's the Raid on cockroaches

Punk motherfuckers, this is it (Makaveli The Don)

Killuminati Style (All day) (Up in your ass)

(Bomb first) (Outlaw Ridahz) Solo shit, bring it!

[Verse 1: 2Pac]

Allow me to introduce first: Makaveli the Don

Hysterical, spiritual lyrics like The Holy Qur'an

Niggas get shook like 5-0

My .45 is next to me when we ride, for survival

Money-makin' plans, pistol close at hand, swollen pockets

Let me introduce the topic, then we drop it

Expose snakes ‘cause they breed freely

See me rise, located worldwide like the art of graffiti

I think I'm tougher than Nitti, my attitude is shitty

Born on a dope fiend's titty, huh, in every city

You'll find me, look for trouble right behind me

My Outlaw niggas down to die for me, nah'mean?

I hit the scene, niggas duckin' from my guillotine stare

I'm right there, my every word a fuckin' nightmare

Get me high, let me see the sun rise and fall

This for my dogs, down to die for y'all

Extreme venom, no mercy when we all up in ’em

Cut ’em down, to Hell is where we send ’em

My whole team trained to explode, ride or die

Murder motherfuckers lyrically and I'm not gon' cry

Me, a born leader, never leave the block without my heater

Two big pits, I call them "my bitch-nigga eaters"

And not a whimper until I'm gone

Thug Life runnin' through my veins so I'm strong

Bye, bye, bye, let's get high and ride

Oh, how do we do these niggas, but I'm not gon' cry

I'm a Bad Boy killer, Jay-Z die too

Lookin' out for Mobb Deep, nigga, when I find you

Weak motherfuckers don't deserve to breathe

How many niggas down to die for me? Yay-yay!

West Coast rider, comin' right behind ya

Should have never fucked with me

I want money, hoes, sex and weed

I won't rest until my road dog's free – bomb first

[Chorus 1: 2Pac]

We bomb first when we ride

Please reconsider 'fore you die

We ain't even come to hurt nobody tonight

But it's my life or your life, and I'ma bomb first

We bomb first when we ride

Please reconsider 'fore you die

We ain't even come to fight tonight

But it's my life or your life, and I'ma bomb first

[Verse 2: E.D.I. Mean with 2Pac, 2Pac]

For so many days, in so many ways we've been duckin' strays

They delivers, but still we some Bad Boy killers

Got nuttin' to lose, I gots nowhere to go

I only got one home, see me stranded on Death Row

With Outlawz, it's Makaveli be the general

And I be a soldier on a mission, sent to do what you'll never do

And that's ride for the cause, yes, I'll die for the cause

You best believe, if I'ma leave this bitch, yo I'm dyin' with yours

Kamikaze, sicker than a ma'fuckin' Nazi

Got a little question for that nigga that made "Paparazzi"

If you ain't in this rap game for the motherfuckin' cash, mane

Then what is your motherfuckin' purpose? None can serve us

E.D.I. Mean, born worthless

That's until the day, I decided to bomb first, bitch (Biatch!)

[Bridge: 2Pac]

Come on, bring it, down with it!

(We ride)

Come on, bring it

(Bomb first when we ride)

Hey, get that nigga!

[Verse 3: Young Noble]

Your style wack as ever, like you was rockin' patent leather

Causin' massive terror, y'all niggas lack, you ain't thorough

Half rapper, half drug kingpin, you're tellin' fairy tales, dunn

"King of New York" like you the motherfuckin' one?

But I'm from Jers', we don't play that shit

From the Clair down to Newark Bricks all my niggas flippin’ chips

Gettin’ rich, even though it's hard

Tryna creep through these halls and brawls without scarred by a revolve'

With no warning signs, ‘cause yo, my man took five

Now I'm the youngin with the 9 ready to put in my time

[Interlude: 2Pac]

Shoot first, look at their head, burst bleeding

Don't want to hear no shit this evening, believe me

[Chorus 2: 2Pac]

We bomb first when we ride

Please reconsider 'fore you die

G's and thug niggas on the rise

Plan, plot, strategize, but bomb first

We bomb first when we ride

Please reconsider 'fore you die

G's and thug niggas on the rise

Plan, plot, strategize, and bomb first

[Segue to "Hail Mary"]

Let us pray, my nigga

'Cause we definitely have sinned