In the finale of his 2015 Make Happy Tour, Bo shares his struggles with the radius of Pringles cans, burrito overspill, and being a comedian with a declining mental state. Bo mimics the style of rapper Kanye… Read More [Part I] [Intro] I went to Kanye West's recent tour, the Yeezus Tour It was a big, dramatic, theatrical show He did something very strange at the end of his show Where he ranted for like 20 minutes It was kind of a rant, kind of a song He had auto-tune on his voice And there was an instrumental in the background Like this instrumental He talked about his problems Race, power; his $90 T-shirts weren't selling very well—that was most of it And I watched this, I thought maybe I could do this I'll be honest, my problems are not as high-stakes as Kanye's, but I have problems And maybe a crowd in New York would be nice enough to indulge me So as we get to the end of a night of theater, and comedy, and sweaters coming on and off I got one question for you, and that question is... [Verse 1] Can I say my shit? New York, can I say my shit? I've got lots of shit to say I've got lots of shit to say Ooh, ooh-ooh I can't fit my hand inside a Pringle can I have a huge amount of trouble fitting my hand inside of a Pringle can I can get my hand like four inches into the can But then, I have to tilt the can into my mouth But by that point, a bunch of crumbs have accumulated at the bottom of the can So they all go spilling onto my face What I'm trying to say is the diameter of Pringle cans is way too small I'll say it again The diameter of Pringle cans is way too small Two radiuses of a Pringle can is way too small If you feel me, put your hands up, come on! If you feel me, put your hands up Look at all these hands that are way too big to fit inside a Pringle can Your hands are too big to fit inside of Pringle cans Your hands are too big to fit inside of Pringle cans You think you can, I know you can't, you think you can Pringles! Listen to the people! I am sure ninety percent of the complaint letters you get are about the width of your cans Just make them wider I've overdone the Pringles thing, sorry [Verse 2] I wanna have a daughter Wanna have a daughter So I can finally have someone around the house who can fit their hands in a Pringle can—yes, I'm still on the Pringle cans thing! Yeah! I'll—I'll move on, alright? But that is priority número uno I don't go to the gym, 'cause I'm self-conscious about my body But I'm self-conscious about my body 'cause I don't go to the gym Irony can be so painful That's a Catch-22, ooh, ooh-ooh Let's do this! I went to Chipotle Went to Chipotle Got myself a chicken burrito, brrap I went down the line, I got like all these ingredients And then, at the end of the line, the guy tried to wrap the burrito But half of the shit inside the burrito spilled out, and he still wrapped it I was like, "Dude, you should have warned me!" You're a burrito expert; you should have told me halfway through— "Hey, man, you might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here" Do you think I want a messy burrito? No one wants a messy burrito The whole appeal of a burrito is that all of the ingredients are contained within the confines of the tortilla I wouldn't have gotten half this shit if I knew it wasn't gonna fit in the burrito! Alright? Look [Pre-Chorus] I wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit Wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit Wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit I wouldn't have got half of it Like, I'm okay with small mistakes If you've got no more chicken, I'll take pork But I'll blow my dad before I eat a burrito with a fork [Chorus] Wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit Wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit Wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't— Man, I wouldn't have got half of it, like Half of it like, half of it like Half of it like, half of it right now I think it's time I, think it's time, that we break it down [Part II] [Interlude] Ooh Whoa, whoa Whoa Bl-l-l-l-l-l (Put the lotion in the basket) [Verse 3] I can sit here and pretend like my biggest problems are Pringle cans And burritos The truth is my biggest problem's you I want to please you But I want to stay true to myself I want to give you the night out that you deserve But I want to say what I think and not care what you think about it A part of me loves you Part of me hates you Part of me needs you Part of me fears you And I don't think that I can handle this right now Handle this right now I don't think that I can handle this right now I don't think that I can handle this right— I don't think that I can handle this right— I don't think that I can handle this right— Look at them; they're just staring at me, like "Come and watch the skinny kid with the steadily declining mental health And laugh as he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself" Think that I can handle this right— I don't think that I can handle this right— They don't even know the half of this, right— They don't even know the half of it But I know I'm not a doctor I'm a pussy, I put on a silly show I should probably just shut up and do my job So here I go [Chorus] Wouldn't have got the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit Wouldn't have got the cheese if I knew it wouldn't fit Wouldn't have got the peppers if I knew they wouldn't fit Wouldn't have got half— You can tell them anything If you just make it funny, make it rhyme And if they still don't understand you Then you run it one more time Think that I can handle this right— HO! Handle this right— HO! Handle this right And you don't even know the half of this right now Right now HAH! Now Handle this right, handle this right Handle this right now [Outro] Thank you Good night I hope you're happy