Well, the first thing I want to say is, "Mandate, my ass!"

Because it seems as though we've been convinced

That 26% of the registered voters--

Not even 26% of the American people

But 26% of the registered voters--

Form a mandate, or a landslide

21% voted for Skippy

And 3, 4% voted for somebody else

Who might have been running

But, oh yeah, I remember

In this year that we have now declared

The year from Shogun to Ray-Gun

I remember what I said about Ray-Gun...meant it

Acted like an actor...Hollyweird

Acted like a liberal

Acted like General Franco when he acted like Governor of California

Then he acted like a Republican

Then he acted like somebody was going to vote for him for President

And now we act like 26% of the registered voters is actually a mandate

We're all actors in this, I suppose

What has happened is that, in the last 20 years

America has changed from a producer to a consumer

And all consumers know that when the producer names the tune, the consumer has got to dance

That's the way it is

We used to be a producer – very inflexible at that

And now we are consumers, and finding it difficult to understand

Natural resources and minerals will change your world

The Arabs used to be in the 3rd World

They have bought the 2nd World and put a firm down payment on the 1st one

Controlling your resources will control your world

This country has been surprised by the way the world looks now

They don't know if they want to be Matt Dillon or Bob Dylan

They don't know if they want to be diplomats

Or continue the same policy of nuclear nightmare diplomacy

John Foster Dulles ain't nothing but the name of an airport now

The idea concerns the fact that this country wants nostalgia

They want to go back as far as they can--

Even if it's only as far as last week

Not to face now or tomorrow, but to face backwards

And yesterday was the day of our cinema heroes

Riding to the rescue at the last possible moment

The day of the man in the white hat or the man on the white horse

Or the man who always came to save America at the last moment

Someone always came to save America at the last moment

Especially in "B" movies

And when America found itself having a hard time facing the future, they looked for people like John Wayne

But since John Wayne was no longer available, they settled for Ronald the Ray-Gun

And it has placed us in a situation that we can only look at like a "B" movie

Come with us back to those inglorious days when heroes weren't zeros

Before fair was square

When the cavalry came straight away and all-American men were like Hemingway

To the days of the wondrous "B" movie

The producer underwritten by all the millionaires necessary will be Casper "The Defensive" Weinberger;

No more animated choice is available

The director will be Attila the Haig

Running around frantically declaring himself in control and in charge

The ultimate realization of the inmates taking over at the asylum

The screenplay will be adapted from the book called "Voodoo Economics"

By George "Papa Doc" Bush

Music by the Village People, the very military "Macho Man."

"Company!!!"

"Macho, macho man!"

"Two-three-four."

"He'd like to be . . . Well, you get the point."

"Huuut! Your left! Your left! Your left...right

Left, right, left, right...!"

A theme song for saber-rattling and selling wars door-to-door

Remember, we're looking for the closest thing we can find to John Wayne

Cliches abound like kangaroos courtesy of some spaced out Marlin Perkins, a Reagan contemporary

Cliches like, "itchy trigger finger" and "tall in the saddle"

And "riding off or on into the sunset."

Cliches like, "Get off of my planet by sundown!"

More so than cliches like, "He died with his boots on."

Marine tough, the man is

Bogart tough, the man is

Cagney tough, the man is

Hollywood tough, the man is

Cheap steak tough and Bonzo substantial

The ultimate in synthetic selling:

A Madison Avenue masterpiece

A miracle

A cotton-candy politician

Presto! Macho!

"Macho, macho man!"

Put your orders in, America

And quick as Kodak your leaders duplicate

With the accent being on the dupes

Cause all of a sudden we have fallen prey to selective amnesia

Remembering what we want to remember and forgetting what we choose to forget

All of a sudden, the man who called for a blood bath on our college campuses

Is supposed to be Dudley goddamn Do-Right?

"You go give them Liberals hell, Ronnie."

That was the mandate

To the new "Captain Bligh" on the new ship of fools

It was doubtlessly based on his chameleon performance of the past

As a liberal democrat

As the head of the Studio Actor's Guild

When other celluloid saviors were cringing in terror from McCarthy

Ron stood tall

It goes all the way back from Hollywood to hillbilly

From liberal to libelous, from "Bonzo" to Birch idol...born again

Civil rights, women's rights, gay rights...it's all wrong

Call in the cavalry to disrupt this perception of freedom gone wild

Goddammit...first one wants freedom, then the whole damn world wants freedom

Nostalgia, that's what we want...the good ol' days...

When we gave 'em hell

When the buck stopped somewhere and you could still buy something with it

To a time when movies was in black and white

And so was everything else

Even if we go back to the campaign trail

Before six-gun Ron shot off his face and developed hoof-and-mouth

Before the free press went down before full-court press

And were reluctant to review the menu

Because they knew the only thing available was...crow

Lon Chaney, our Man of a Thousand Faces ...

No match for Ron

Doug Henning does the make-up

Special effects from Grecian Formula 16 and Krazy Glue

Transportation furnished by the David Rockefeller Remote Control Company

Their slogan is, "Why wait for 1984? You can panic now, and avoid the rush."

So much for the good news...

As Wall Street goes, so goes the Nation

And here's a look at the closing numbers:

Racism is up, human rights are down

Peace is shaky, war items are hot

The House claims all ties

Jobs are down, money is scarce

And common sense is at an all-time low with heavy trading

Movies were looking better than ever

And now no one is looking because

We're starring in a "B" movie

And we would rather had John Wayne...

We would rather had John Wayne

You don't need to be in no hurry

And you ain't never really got to worry

And you don't need to check on how you feel

Just keep repeating that none of this is real

And if you're sensing that something's wrong

Well, just remember that it won't be too long

Before the director cuts the scene...yeah

This ain't really your life

Ain't really our life

Ain't really nothing but a movie

[Refrain repeated about 25 times or more in an apocalyptic crescendo with a military cadence.]

This ain't really your life

Ain't really our life

Ain't really nothing but a movie