[Skit: Paul Rosenberg]

Hey, Em, it's Paul

Uh, I was listening to the album

Good fucking luck, you're on your own

[Intro: Eminem]

Guess who's back, back again?

Shady's back, tell a friend

Guess who's back, guess who's back

Guess who's back, guess who's back

Guess who's back, guess who's back

Guess who's back

(Da-da-da, da, da, da, da, da, da)

(Da-da-da, da, da, da, da)

[Verse 1: Eminem]

Well, look what the stork brung

(What?) Little baby devil with the forked tongue

And it's stickin' out, yeah, like a sore thumb

(Bleah) With a forehead that it grew horns from

Still a white jerk

Pullin' up in a Chrysler to the cypher with the vic's, percs and a Bud Light shirt

Lyrical technician, an electrician y'all light work

And I don't gotta play pretend, it's you I make believe

And you know I'm here to stay 'cause me

If I was to ever take a leave, It would be aspirin to break a feve

If I was to ask for Megan Thee Stallion if she would collab with me

Would I really have a shot at a feat? (Ha!)

I don't know, but I'm glad to be back, like

[Chorus: Eminem]

Abra-abracadabra

(And for my last trick) I'm 'bout to reach in my bag, bruh

Abra-abracadabra

(And for my last trick, poof) Just like that and I'm back, bruh

[Verse 2: Eminem]

Now back in the days of old me

(When) Right around the time I became a dope fiend

Ate some codeine, as a way of coping taste of opiates, case of O.E

​Turned me into smiley face emoji

My shit may not be age appropri—

Ate but I will hit an eight year old in the face with a participation trophy

'Cause I have zero doubts

That this whole world's 'bout to turn into some girl scouts

That censorship bureau's out

To shut me down so when I started this verse

It did start off light-hearted at first

But it feels like I'm targeted

Mind bogglin' how my profit has skyrocketed, look what I pocketed

Yeah, the shit is just like y'all have been light joggin' and I've been running at full speed

And that's why I'm ahead like my noggin, and I'm the fight y'all get in

When you debate who the best but ops I'm white-chalkin' when

I step up to that mic, cock it then

"Oh my god, it's him... not again!"

[Chorus: Eminem]

Abra-abracadabra

(And for my last trick) I'm 'bout to reach in my bag, bruh

Abra-abracadabra

(And for my last trick, poof) Just like that and I'm back, bruh

[Bridge: Eminem]

Sometimes I wonder what the old me'd say

(If what?) If he could see the way shit is today

(Look at this shit, man) He'd probably say that everything is gay

(Like happy!) What's my name, what's my name?

[Verse 3: Eminem]

So, how many little kids still wanna act like me?

I'm a bigger prick than cacti be

And that's why these words sting, just like you were being attacked by bees

In the coupe leaning back my seat

Bumpin' R. Kelly's favorite group, the black guy pee's

In my Air Max 90's

White T's walkin' parental advisory

My transgender cat's Siamese

Identifies as black, but acts Chinese

Like a motherfuckin' hacky sack I treat the whole world, 'cause I got it at my feet

How can I explain to you?

That even myself, I'm a danger too

I hop on tracks like a kangaroo

And say a few things or two to anger you

But fuck that, if I think that shit, I'ma say that shit

Cancel me what? Okay, that's it, go ahead, Paul, quit

Snake-ass prick, you male crossdresser, fake-ass bitch

And I'll probably get shit for that

(Watch) But you can all suck my dick, in fact

Fuck them, fuck Dre, fuck Jimmy, fuck me, fuck you, fuck my own kids they're brats (Fuck 'em)

They can screw-off, them and you all

You too, Paul, got two balls, big as RuPaul's, what you thought you saw ain't what you saw

'Cause you're never gon' see me

Caught sleepin' and see the kidnappin' never did happen

Like Sherri Papini, Harry Houdini, I vanish into the thin air as I'm leaving, like

[Chorus: Eminem]

Abra-abracadabra

(And for my last trick) I'm 'bout to reach in my bag, bruh

Abra-abracadabra

(And for my last trick, poof) Just like that and I'm back, bruh