This is what real life feels like

Most of yall ain't real

Hey kids

YEAH!!!

How you feeling

FINE!!!

Feel alright!!

YEAH!!

?

(Laughter)

Yall feel like dancing

YEAH!!!

All right one two uh one two

Verse 1

This is before I lose all sanity

This is before I lose all forms of reality

My mind keeps attacking me

Saying I'm a failed abortion scratch that I'm a fucking tragedy

I don't look in mirrors it saddens me

This ain't my dark twisted fantasy

This is more like an ongoing nightmare

I know my demons don't fight fair

I feel like I'm isolated by lightyears

♪

I used to wonder what if feels like

Verse 2

Truthfully I don't feel like I'm right here

Always on autopilot maybe I might steer

My conscience is always quite near

To the edge, the only death is by this bed

I'll lay for entirety until the sun is dead

I don't like shit and I don't go outside

Every time I wake up I'll lose what's left inside

And I know I have already died

This is my 2nd to 3rd life

And I already want to resign

Verse 3

Do u know what worth is

I don't know either cause I'm worthless

I'm the degenerate that surfaced

I'm a scitz when this verse hits

It's me and my mind in versus

How am I going make a change if I'm observant

How I'm going tour if my nervous

Sometimes It feels like I don't have emotions

I can be drowning in the ocean

I won't be struggling there won't be no motion

What I'm writing down has already been spoken

I be FREESTYLING when I'm soaking

I don't think I'll go out while I'm choking

Not even when the barrel is smoking

I don't think I'll ever be free from these four walls

But when I do you finally hear a phone call

(phone call)

♪

Hey, Uhm, so I'm here and your not so Uhm tha- that's little weird Uhm

(dial tone)

Verse 4

I missed who I was before

I use to live a little bit more

I use to have open doors

I use to have passion in my core

Now I'm stuck in this timestamp

I tried to load up the file but only it rewinds back

I'm struggling of growing but besides that

I'm just not who I use to be

I use to be cheerful and full of energy

People say I'm boring and their right

I don't want to be so uptight

But I still live it

Zero fucks given

Of my self and of my wellbeing

This is just to cope with what I'm feeling

Always keep it hidden because I'm always grieving

Verse 5

If I truly be myself I won't be the same

I won't be the person I claimed

Most will switch up and say you changed

That's why I don't relieve that I'm not fine

I don't want you to hit my line

You have yours and I have mine

We all got our problems and we can solve them

I can give you heart until solemn

(X3) Just Don't worry about me

♪

Like it's already an hour and your not texting

Should I wait a little bit more, yeah

Verse 6

Will I ever be missed

Will I ever be reminisce

I hate being depressed

Emotions are always obsessed

I feel like I falling into an abyss

I'm here but not really

I can be vibing with the homies and eating Philly

But it feels like I'm over in Sicily

Stranded from everyone

I hate what I become

Tried to reform but I never won

Six years of being the same one

Change a little never was able to overcome

Constantly my head turns into a gun

Emotions pulled the trigger for any type of fun

Constantly stressing because of what I have done

Verse 7

I sit here in this white empty room

The last thing I'll see before my tomb

Whenever I awaken all I see is the moon

I'm always waiting for doom

Because I live boredom and that's I all consume

I feel like I'm always mistaken

I'm never seriously taken

I also do sometimes

I won't lie because there is nothing past my hollow eyes

I already tried to lift myself with pride

I came crashing down like the market of 09

People say I have standards way to fucking high

♪

Hey, Uhm it- it's me uh welp Uhm

I felt like that we- we were uhm meeting uhm

I thought I don't know uhm

Verse 8

They might be right but my mind will always fight

Never letting go that's the motto

I didn't get influenced I have no role models

I have nothing to go off expect I'm hollow

Verse 9

Always thinking about outcomes

I never cease to doubt one

What if this was all mistake

What if no can relate

What if this becomes something

What if doesn't will it be made for nothing

What if I leave

Will I'll be remember do u agree

What if I never stop the grief

What will I become

Will I ever find love

Will i ever have a son

Where is my place in this world

I'm stuck in my head so i just curl

And analyze for way too long

Don't worry they said but I'm far too gone

(x3) Far too gone

♪

The date or I don- don't know its like uhm

Is it are you is it a date ar- are you coming uhm, sorry

Verse 10

I don't want to exist

I want to fade into mist

I'm sick of waking up

I had enough

I don't even want it to end

But my burdens will never mend

I will disappear for a cause

I'm nothing so there is no lost

I'm sorry what I became

Don't remember my name

This was written after the night

That I lost all hope and will to fight

This was made as an exit for 2018

But look at me I'm still here at the age of 16

Maybe the note was REAL but not all of it

Maybe the note was the precursor to all of this