Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody but himself. ♪

Patti: ♪ I never knew how twisted a fellow could be. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Hey, I guess it’s good I never told ya I’m into pee. ♪

Patti: ♪ Don’t you ever listen to your inner conscience? ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Oh, sorry, babe, I wasn’t listening, what? ♪

Patti: ♪ You really are total scum. ♪

♪ If only you could see the man that you’ve become. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self. ♪

All right, look, whatever your problem is, just get it off your breast-chest

Patti: ♪ I thought you gave me your heart. ♪

Quagmire: I gave you VD, isn’t that enough?

Patti: ♪ You said that we’d never part. ♪

Quagmire: Oh, I was just kidding

Patti: ♪ You gave me your lovers’ vow. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Ha! If you really thought I meant it, you oughtta get your head examined right now! ♪

Patti: ♪ You told me you’d never stray. ♪

Quagmire: Well, that’s cause we hadn’t had sex yet

Patti: ♪ And then you just walked away. ♪

Quagmire: Ain’t I a stinker?

Patti: ♪ Your attitude really stank! ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Look, you don’t need to be a genius to see that I was giving you the yank yank! ♪

Patti: What else did you BS me about?

Quagmire: Well, since you asked…

♪ Remember when I said I was going down the block ♪

♪ To grab a couple boozers with a pal? ♪

Patti: ♪ Yeah, you had a friend from college that you had to meet. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ No, I was at the women’s shoe store looking at feet! ♪

Patti: What?

Quagmire: ♪ Remember when I said I had a dental checkup? ♪

♪ Well, let me say that I give quite a root canal. ♪

Heh, heh, all right

Patti: ♪ You promised me that you’d be true. ♪

Quagmire: ♪ Hey! To me you’re just vagina number 6-0-2

Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin’ self. ♪

Patti: What do you have to say for yourself, you slime?

Quagmire: Can I just squeeze your left tit a little bit?

Patti: You’re the most insensitive man I’ve ever met

Quagmire: Aw, that’s not true; I’ve got feelings the same as the next guy. Well, last week, my grandma died, I was really uspset

Patti: Oh, I’m sorry

Quagmire: So, how about a hand job?

♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪

Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪

Quagmire: ♪ But my own ♪

Both: ♪ Sweet, flippin’ self! ♪