[Intro]

EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES

JOHN MARSTON

VS

NIKO BELLIC

BEGIN

[Verse 1: John Marston]

The name's John Marston, born and raised in Blackwater

Trained to give this immigrant a second case of verbal slaughter

If I can take out Van der Line, Williamson and Escuela

All I need to do is point my gun, and you'll flee back to Yugoslavia

This is deal or revenge, yokel, you're literally done

You finally get some friends, but you end up killing one

Tell your overly attached cousin that he'll never get titties

Run away, Nikolai, I'm taking over Liberty City

[Verse 2: Niko Bellic]

Now it's this petty cowboy against me, I need no introduction

You're just Lost and Damned in this Ballad of your destruction!

Only a fool would want to battle me, I'll win Grand Theft Automatically

I'm richer than this bitch, and I'll achieve this win so practically

Young and stupid is what you are, and that fact I will enforce

Why the long face, "pardner?" Is it cause I just ran over your horse?

I cause murder on the mic, I'll rip you into pieces without strife!

I'll bring Havoc on your life, John, and then I'll bang your wife!

[Verse 3: Jimmy Hopkins]

Oh, shut up! You guys are boring me more than my classes

Now let me skip school for one day to kick your asses

Now Johnny Boy, you’re just a Clint Eastwood wannabe

Get off your high horse and feel the wrath of this Bully

Niko may have guns, but I'll potato launch you to the moon

You cannot steal a car without it blowing up, and it doesn't need to move!

Endless Summer of destruction as I beat you down like Gary

When you drunkards came to Rockstar, it upset me

Before I bike ride out, since you're never gonna learn

Scramble you like my English class and make you my B-Words

[Verse 4: James Earl Cash]

This is a ManHunt, without me, it'd just be a WomanHunt

Call me the Director, cause I'm laying down the rules to you cunts

I'll pierce you with this toothpick if you dare to get pissy

This defeat will be more frightening than my encounter with Piggsy

I'll stomp John with MY boots and take down Niko with a punch

I'll chop you into pieces and give the Cerberus their lunch

You'll be patrolled like the Hoods, this beating is not reversible

While you're prancing through mellow, I'll hold the crown for controversial

[Verse 5: Max Payne]

Stop talking, Cash, you kill people because your family's gone

Let me make this quick people, and then this battle will be done

My painkillers are at full Max, so you better start running

Because my game is the one that helps the company with funding

I’m a cop, bitches, and I’m putting you all under arrest

I'm an unescapable detective with access to your address

Max Payne is number one boys, I'm a slo-mo mo-fo

After I shoot you down with this one bullet, say hello to my daughter Rose

[Outro]

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES